CRUDD

 

Scene – home of rock star.  TV interview

 

Host:              Here we are tonight for a special occasion.  The interview of Mr Cruddy Jowls, the world famous innovative musician.  So Mr Jowls – or do you prefer ‘Crudd’?

 

Crudd:            Um,…I prefer Crudd

 

Host:              So, Crudd, people all round the world have remarked on your incredible potential to justify all means of everything ever – just by playing your guitar.

 

Crudd:            I use a pick as well.

 

Host:              Yes

 

Crudd:            Once I used a coin.

 

Host:              Aaah…what was it like?

 

Crudd:            Oh,  - it was pretty good.

 

Host:              Do you often use a coin?

 

Crudd:            No, just once – I tried using a nail but I cut my finger.

 

Host:              Did it affect your guitar playing?

 

Crudd:            No, I still like nails

 

Host:              Yes, err – No, I mean did the cut on your finger affect the way you could play your guitar?

 

Crudd:            aah!  Right!  Umm, yeah it did.  I couldn’t play as well.

 

Host:              Right.  So Mr Jowls.  What are your influences?

 

Crudd:            Well…I like yoghurt.

 

Host:              Are they an influential band?

 

Crudd:            No - I like yoghurt - you know - the food.

 

Host:              So, you like yoghurt… (tentatively).  Any other influences?

 

Crudd:            Those Casio things make some pretty good beats.

 

Host:              Casio things

 

Crudd:            You just press a button and it goes off ay!

 

Host:              Ummm…Mr Jowls, do you actually play guitar?

 

Crudd:            Well I don’t use my left hand – but I sort of bash ay!

 

 

Host looks at sound man questioningly as another crew member with clipboard heads toward front door checking the address – the house is 127A – clipboard says 127B. He walks back gesturing ‘obviously wrong house’.  Film crew pack up angrily and walk out.  As host angrily walks out, picks up a cheap Casio thingy, smacks Crud in the head with it.  Exit crew to a cheap Casio tune and they go  next door.


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